Sleeping is Hard Work

I have read the advice "begin as you wish to continue" and think it's excellent advice; however, sometimes you cannot begin as you wish to continue, and then you have to "sleep train" a six month old.

Before Lucy was born, our plan was to have her sleep in a bassinet and eventually move her to a crib when she got a bit bigger (and when we got a crib). But my c-section complicated that. I was unable to lift or carry Lucy for several weeks, so Matt had to be the one to put her into and get her out of the bassinet. And it turned out that Lucy hated the bassinet. And we hated to hear her cry. In those early days, I felt like my soul was being pulled out through my nipple if she cried for very long. It was also very inconvenient to keep putting her in the bassinet and getting her out when she cried a few minutes later. I desperately needed to sleep and couldn't sleep with her crying (between the noise and the sensation of soul extraction). And Matt was working or watching TV at the other end of the house and had to keep running back and forth to drop off or collect the baby a couple times an hour. But it was most inconvenient when Lucy needed something after Matt had gone to bed. I felt so bad about Matt's needing to shuttle Lucy between the bassinet and my recliner minutes after he had finally dropped off to sleep. And some nights it was hard to get his attention to have him return Lucy to the bassinet after she ate. So one night I improvised.

I tried putting Lucy in the bouncy seat next to the recliner. I could pretty much drop her into it, so it didn't involve lifting. But after I set her down, I became afraid that her head would tilt forward and cut off her airway (which can actually happen) and that I would wake up and find my baby dead. The idea of another baby dead due to oxygen deprivation was more than I could stand, so I picked her up again. My only other choice was to keep her with me in the recliner. I considered the risk of dropping or smothering her but decided that neither of us was mobile enough for those to be serious threats. So she curled up, and I laid her on my chest, and we slept. It worked so well that we continued it.

When my parents visited us in October, they brought a cradle built by my great-grandfather. Lucy seemed to like it just fine unless it rocked. Her startle reflex has always been very strong. I had hoped that the cradle would be of a convenient height next to either the recliner in the nursery or our four-poster bed in the bedroom. it wasn't quite right for either. I felt like I had to toss her in while sitting in the recliner or drop her a foot or so from the bed. I wasn't OK with either of those, so I tried getting out of the recliner to put her into or take her out of the cradle. I had healed enough that I could do that, so I did for several nights. However, I was so woozy at the 6:00 feeding every night that I just kept her in the recliner with me from 6:00 until we got up. After I went back to work, I was too tired to deal with the cradle at all. So Lucy continued to sleep with me.

Matt was willing to help with night feedings, which might have made me less woozy at 6:00 a.m., but early on I had some supply issues and couldn't pump enough milk for night bottles. We were having to use pumped milk to feed her during clusterfeedings in the evenings. I was making enough milk, just not when she needed it, so we had to redistribute it. When I went back to work, I had to pump enough for Lucy to eat with the babysitter. It took everything I pumped all day to provide bottles for my time away, so there was no milk for Matt to feed her at night. By the time I was pumping enough for night bottles, Lucy only wanted momma at night.

During our months of co-sleeping, we only had one scary incident. By early December she was big enough that she preferred to sleep next to me in the crook of my arm rather than on my chest. Early one morning I heard a thud and felt an empty space beside me. I looked down and saw Lucy face-down on the wood floor by the recliner. I picked her up before she started to cry, which she did loudly. I immediately started feeding her to calm her. Then I changed her diaper and checked her for damage. There didn't appear to be any, but I took her to work with me to keep an eye on her in case she started exhibiting neurological symptoms. She was fine. I held her a little tighter after that. And a few days later I figured out how she fell. One night she was hungry, and I barely caught her as she launched herself at my breast. Apparently, she had tried to help herself while I was sleeping and overshot my breast and landed on the floor instead. She's clever and independent but overestimates her physical abilities.

We received a crib as a Christmas gift and Lucy seemed to like it just fine, but I was definitely too woozy to get her into and out of a crib several times a night and then get up and go to work the next morning. So she kept sleeping in the recliner with me. We even worked out a way for her to help herself without falling out, so I was able to sleep through a feeding or two. At the time, that's what I needed to continue functioning. And I must admit that I liked snuggling with her as well. But I knew it wasn't in Lucy's best interest to continue our sleeping arrangement. She started to be able to sleep only on me. She even napped on me, so I was unable to get anything done during her naps.  Since my working was making our co-cleeping necessary, it was one of the reasons I quit my part-time job.

So now that I'm home full time, we're working toward self-sufficient sleeping: in her crib, for 6 hours at a time, soothing herself back to sleep, not needing to nurse to fall asleep, and maybe even falling asleep in the crib by herself rather than being moved there when she's already asleep. It's a big goal and not something we could tackle all at once. She had previously proved she was capable of sleeping 6 hours at a time, so we started with trying to get her to sleep somewhere other than on me. I put her crib mattress on the floor and another crib mattress we already owned next to it so that we can sleep next to each other. She could sleep AGAINST me if she wanted but not ON me. We've had varying degrees of success with this. One night she slept 6 hours on her mattress and even fell asleep without nursing. And I've been able to lay her down during naps sometimes and get some work done around the house. But most of the time she wakes as soon as she feels the mattress and isn't comforted by my touch or voice. Only picking her up or feeding her will soothe her. It's exhausting! I could never have done this while holding down a job. By 8:00 I consider the night over and let us nap in the recliner for a couple hours. I try to be consistent, but I have to get some sleep sometime so that I can continue to function, and I get as few as 3 hours some nights. I do see some signs of improvement. I'm more likely to let her cry a little to get her to try to soothe herself. Last night she woke, cried, thrashed about with her eyes closed, rolled over onto her tummy, and promptly fell asleep and stayed asleep for 6 hours. I, however, woke at least every 2 hours to make sure she was still breathing. Yes, I'm still afraid she'll suffocate. But each success is teaching both of us that we can do this. It's hard work, but it's good for both of us.

Taking Care of Myself is a Part-Time Job

I have a part-time secretarial job at a local Baptist church, and some semesters I add a second job when I teach a class at the university. The more I learn about human anatomy and physiology the more I believe that taking care of myself is an additional part-time job. Other people might be lower maintenance than I am. I have enough chronic conditions (depression, obesity, face herpes, plantar fasciitis, back injuries, etc.) that I have to keep an eye on that it takes quite a bit of energy to keep them all in check. For most of 2012, I didn't teach, so I only had one part-time job. I was able to do a pretty good job of taking care of myself. I stayed healthy (after the intestinal infection), learned to swim, lost 15 pounds, and felt really good. Then in November I took over a composition class when the chair of the English department died. During the 2 months from the time I started teaching until I got back from Christmas travels, I had gained back 10 of the pounds I'd lost, caught a respiratory ailment, and felt like a mess. Yes, Christmas isn't great for weight loss, but I was already in a downward spiral by the time the semester ended. I have developed the opinion that I cannot work two part-time jobs and take care of myself properly, especially when I'm trying to develop healthier habits. It's like three part-time jobs. So I'm glad I'm not teaching this semester. I've already had time to cook healthy meals and go swimming every couple days. I feel much better. And I'm looking forward to a spring semester and summer of good health and good habits. And gardening season is coming soon!

A New Semester, A Fresh Start

By the end of the first month of the fall semester, I knew things were not going as well as I wanted them to, and they never improved significantly.  So I've done a lot of thinking and a lot of research to make the spring semester better.

First, I went in to the room with incredibly low expectations. I'm naturally a pessimist, so I'm not sure why I got my hopes up last semester. I used to feel pressure to be an optimist--though it's hard to change your inclinations--until someone pointed out that being a pessimist means you are more often pleasantly surprised when things go well. I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised this semester.  

Second, I'm starting small and easy and working my way to more complexity. Instead of starting with finding subjects and verbs as I did last semester, we started with separating subjects and predicates. They did reasonably well with that in class. I'm hoping that knowing which half of the sentence the simple, single word subject is will help them find it. It felt like small metaphorical stabs at my heart every time someone chose the next-to-last word of the sentence as the subject, double stabs if the word was "the." We may not cover everything I want to cover as thoroughly as I want to cover it this semester, but they will write complete sentences with subjects and verbs that agree.

Third, I'm structuring things to give less choice in classroom procedures and more choice in their writing. I put them in assigned seating. One person complained that it felt like kindergarten, and I later heard from another teacher that they thought I didn't like them because of the seating chart.  Oh well. When a short young woman walks into a classroom of 12 men (I've got only one female student), I'm in support of demonstrations of power to establish who is in charge. So the seating chart was my "big stick" that will allow me to "walk softly" in the future. In addition to being a power play and messing with my students' heads (of which I'm in favor as I previously mentioned), the seating chart will help me take attendance more quickly and will also keep them from choosing to sit by friends who may tempt them to talk. However, I want to stress that writing is about choices. You choose what to say, what not to say, how to say it with sentence rhythms and word choices. So I'm they're doing a portfolio for the first half of the semester. I and their classmates are giving them feedback on the daily writing they're doing. They will pick three papers to talk to me about when we meet for conferences, and they will turn those three in for me to grade over spring break. In addition, I'm scaling back my grammar grading for the first half of the semester so that they will focus on what they're saying more than commas. I'll set a couple of basic things that I'll always grade for, writing in complete sentences, for example. Then they will tell me what other grammar concern they focused on when editing each paper, and I will grade only for that additional thing. We'll see how it goes.

Standard Time is Nice

In addition to gaining an hour by turning clocks back last Saturday night, I took long naps on Saturday and Sunday afternoons.  I was so perky today!  I took dirty dishes to work with me because after at least three months, our dishwasher still has not been fixed.  The church has two dishwashers, and they don't mind my using one occasionally.  A load of dishes is heavy, and I had to be careful not to break mugs and glasses when I set the basket down in the parking lot while I unlocked the car.  But I came home with clean dishes.  That made the rest of the kitchen look much more manageable.  Right now I'm waiting for Matt to wash a sink-full of dishes.  I got a dishwasher's load done at work and did another sink-full when I got home.  I decided it's his turn to wash some.  I told you I was feeling perky.  :)

After work I went to Big Lots (a.k.a. the happiest place on earth) to buy enough matching silverware for Thanksgiving dinner.  The set I bought cost only $20, which is just enough for a qualifying purchase toward my next 20% off coupon.  I've been thinking that I need to start planning Thanksgiving dinner.  I'm considering a turkey breast and a ham.  People who love dark meat might be a little disappointed, but as long as I make really moist turkey breast, they shouldn't mind too much.  Of course, there will be yeast rolls, stuffing, and sweet potato casserole.  Mashed potatoes are probably expected, but scalloped potatoes are great with ham.  Oooh!  Twice-baked potatoes!  I could make extra potatoes and serve baked potato soup for one meal.  I'll probably make the tandoori chicken for another meal.  The chicken and wild rice soup is always good and would work with leftover turkey.  I like planning.

I've done a lot of planning for my class tomorrow.  I still have some worksheets to grade tonight and a few homework questions to write, but I've got this week's classes planned.  I get another batch of paragraphs to grade tomorrow.  We're in the home stretch.  Their final paper is due the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.  The next week is finals week, and then grades are due.  I've been reviewing (free!) textbooks, researching electronic grading, and making plans for next semester.  I'm looking forward to a fresh start to see if my new plans work any better than the old ones.

I took a break from class prep to clean the kitchen a bit more.  I listened to my MP3 player, danced around, and put away dishes and food.  I'm pretty excited about the new shelf I built in the kitchen.  I think it's really going to help keep me organized.  If nothing else, it will give me another flat surface to clutter and perhaps relieve a section of counter space.

I've still got a few things on my to-do list for tonight, but I'm getting sleepy.  Maybe Monday Night Football is tranquilizing me.  The game has been exciting so far (blocked punt!), but I sleep really well during televised football games.  I think I'll take worksheets to bed and grade until I fall asleep.  If I don't get them all graded, I'll put them under my pillow and hope the Grading Fairy visits.  He probably won't do any grading, but I'd settle for waking up to an empty kitchen sink and a pile of clean dishes.

She Works Hard for the Money

I got my first check from my teaching job a week or two ago and was surprised at how little I'm making.  Because of all the time I'm putting into writing quizzes, assignments, informational handouts, and worksheets, I'm making less per hour teaching than I'm making as a part-time church secretary.  Matt pointed out that the first semester of teaching is always time consuming.  I'll have my materials already written for next semester and should make the same money for less work.  Sounds good to me!  :)  I'm already committed to teach the same class again next semester.  There will be some things I'll change, but a lot of what I've put together is really good, and I'll use it again.

At least I think it's good, and other teachers who have heard about it think it's good.  Somehow the department chair got one of my worksheets and liked it enough to have it copied it for his classes. However, I totally agree with Matt's answer when people ask him how the teaching is going: "The teaching's great, but I'm not sure about the learning."  Actually, I know a bit about the learning.  A month into the semester, my students still have trouble finding subjects and verbs in sentences.  I'm taking one more stab--my third--at teaching it on Thursday.  They have to be able to find subject and verbs to know if they have complete sentences and to be able to make subjects and verbs agree.  There were many fragments and run-ons in their first paper, and they're struggling with subject-verb agreement.  At first, I thought that they were just struggling with or ignoring the rules for making subjects and verbs agree.  I've wondered if they're just picking what sounds right instead of trying to apply rules.  From the way they talk, I know that they absolutely should not just go with what sounds right to them.  But I'm not sure that they're not trying to make verbs agree with words that aren't the subject because they can't find it.

I'm pretty excited about the project we're working on in class.  I'm assigning a paragraph at a time of what will be a review of a children's picture book by the end of the semester.  On Thursday, they're turning in a plot summary, essentially a one-paragraph book report.  They'll eventually write paragraphs about what they like/dislike about the books they've chosen, whether they think children would like the book, whether adults will like it enough to buy it for children, and probably a "close reading" basic literary analysis.  I don't know if they'll get into the analysis, but I'm really looking forward to it.  The book I'm writing about is The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig.  It's a kind of hippie retelling of the three little pigs where the bad guy turns good when he sniffs a house made of flowers.

Other than teaching and working at the church in the mornings, I've mostly taken it easy.  I've been really tired since my cold a few weeks ago and have taken many naps.  The house gets messier and messier, but I haven't had the energy to do anything about it or actually feel guilty about it.  When I have no energy for guilt, you know I've been worn out. :)  I cleaned out the fridge on Sunday, so I think I'm gaining strength.  Matt is doing well, enjoying teaching his fantasy literature class and reveling in the new football season.  We're considering a daytrip to Louisville this Saturday.  There are many used bookstores that we haven't visited since February.  And we really need some ethnic food, definitely some Ethiopian and maybe a Filipino lunch buffet.  Sounds like a good time to me.

A Room of My Own

Our guest room is now my room when we don't have guests.  Matt and I share the bedroom, and the study and the living room feel like they're Matt's because his books and movies are in those rooms.  I always seem to have stuff cluttering other rooms because my stuff didn't have a place.  Now it does.  Matt calls it my junk room.  I prefer to call it my play room.  I plan for it to be a place for me to set up my keyboard and my bicycle trainer.  I can also work on craft projects there.  Right now it looks more like a junk room.  I've got stuff from other rooms piled in there waiting to be sorted and put away.  As far as I know, we don't plan to have guests until Thanksgiving, so I've got time to get everything tidied up.  I'd like to get something to sit on (a daybed would work), a table for projects and to set my sewing machine up, and a small bookshelf for my computer books.  Should we need the room as a nursery, I'll probably have to move everything upstairs, but I'd have less time for the projects anyway.

My big project is still getting well.  My cold is lingering: nose blowing and coughing.  Another fever blister appeared yesterday.  I have also been awakened with an upset stomach a few nights this week.  Wednesday night, I vomited and then spilled the puke bag contents on my lap, the floor, and the bath mat.  Last night I was up for at least 3 hours with what turned out to be incredibly bad gas that felt like heartburn that threatened to make me vomit again.  Early morning gastrointestinal difficulties do not help me rest and recover from my cold.  I've considered that it's a new twist on irritable bowel, so I'm going to try the pro-biotic yogurt again.

My second big project is preparing for my class.  I've got tons of handouts, practice sheets, assignments sheets, homework worksheets, and quizzes to write.  I've never been the primary teacher for this level of student, so I'm starting from scratch with most of what I'm doing.  It's exciting but a lot of work.  Once I have a semester's worth of material, I can tweak it for future semesters as long as it works this first time.

That's enough big projects for now.  I've got many small projects that I want to work on, but healing, teaching and cleaning are a good start.

Getting in the Groove

My cold rewrote my plans for the semester.  I am teaching only one section, and I'm not taking any classes.  I didn't feel well enough to get everything done to sign up for classes.  I ran around campus several times blowing my nose and coughing, and I just eventually gave up.  I think I'm going to enjoy the new schedule.  I'll work every morning at the church.  I'll teach and go to water aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday.  The other afternoons I'll have free to cook, clean, and do things I want to do.  I may finally learn PHP and have time to work on craft projects and practice the piano.

I met with my class for the first time yesterday.  I'm halfway through reading the paragraphs they wrote in class, and I'm pleasantly surprised.  For the most part they're doing a good job of putting ideas together in a logical order.  They need some grammar, diction, and punctuation help, but they're doing well.  I've got some more grading and preparation to do for tomorrow.

My cold is almost well.  I'm still blowing my nose a bit and coughing some, but I'm at 95% now.  By next week I should be completely well.

A Little Help from my Friends

I've had a rough couple of days.  Tuesday evening I started sniffing, and by bedtime I was blowing large quantities of green snot.  I stopped by McDonalds on the way to work for some orange juice and a frozen coffee beverage and worked almost 4 hours.  By that evening I wanted soup and an Icee.  My friend Beth offered homemade tomato soup, but I didn't get the message until after coming home from the grocery store.  The offer was nice.

Last night the cold moved to my chest (its natural progression in my body), so I sounded really bad today and felt almost as bad as I sounded.  Matt had an early meeting at the university, and after he left I realized that I had accidentally locked my keys in the car last night.  Considering that I was fired the last time that happened to me, I stayed remarkably calm.  I tore the house apart (which didn't leave it looking much worse than normal) looking for our spare key and after a while started to feel panicky.  So I called my friend Susie and asked if she could take me to work.  I think I woke her up, but she said she come.  I kept looking for the key and stumbled across things like the bag I had packed for the hospital.  It's empty now, but I suddenly remembered how it felt to hurriedly unpack and repack that bag so that we could take Neil to Springfield to be buried.  And I cried.  I was sick.  I was tired.  I was panicky. And I couldn't hold it together anymore.  And then I found the spare key and called Susie to let her know.  I got to work and got busy with the things that absolutely had to be done.  After a while I heard someone else in the building.  Susie showed up at my office door with a huge chocolate muffin and some hot tea.  I felt loved.

A little later I emailed the pastor to see if he and his wife would be willing to fold bulletins this week as they had been doing before I was hired.  He called and told me to go home as soon as possible and that he would take care of it.  My boss and his wife are so nice.  I have worked for several pastors who wouldn't have helped out like that.

I like the church job.  The people I've met have been nice, and someone in the church left me home-grown cucumbers last week.  I like making the office more efficient: I'd forgotten how good it feels to be the office oracle.  And they've got some creative work for me coming up.  I mostly work by myself, so I don't have co-worker issues.  I see the pastor about once a week and communicate with everyone by email most of the time.  I tend to keep the door locked, so there's no foot traffic to deal with.  And the phone doesn't ring too often.  It's way different from my time at LM.  And I like the difference. I miss some of the LM people, but the less stressful work environment is healthier.

Today was new student orientation at the university, but I didn't feel up to going.  Matt was on campus so I went in to meet him and thought I'd ask about registering for classes while I was there.  I went to student records and the nice lady told me to go home and get well and register on Monday.  I figure I'll stop by admissions before or after the video production class.  If I have trouble, I'll appeal to the VP of admissions: he's the pastor of the church I work at.

I was waiting to schedule classes until after I knew for sure when I'm teaching.  I got a phone call on Tuesday that they needed me to teach another section of Basic English.  I told them I'd do it if both my classes were on the same days so that I could use identical syllabi.  The department chair said he'd check with the dean and get back to me.  I didn't hear anything until we went to a faculty reception last night and the dean told me I was teaching at 2 p.m. Monday-Friday.  I was surprised and my snot-covered brain had trouble processing.  I talked it over with Matt, and he agreed that different class lengths add prep work and that I don't need that much extra work.  My morning meltdown further confirmed it.  Then this morning Susie told me that she was at advising to register for classes and that my name was on the course schedule given to all freshman.  So I immediately called the dean and department chair to tell them I couldn't teach both classes.  I sounded so sick on the phone that they were understanding.

So this weekend my job is to get healthy and finish my syllabus.  Monday I'll register for classes and attend a couple.  Tuesday I'll teach a class.  And sometime that week I need to get the house clean enough for Matt's fantasy class to come over to watch the Lord of the Rings movies on Saturday.

I feel like I'm at the starting line waiting for the pistol to go off and send me sprinting toward Christmas.  It's good to know I have people I can count on if I get winded along the way.

Sooo employed

Wednesday night, I got the call that the church had approved hiring me, so I went in on Thursday morning to start training.  Wow!  This job is different.  I'll mostly be working by myself because everyone else on staff has a day job, so there shouldn't be many co-worker conflicts. :)  They get very few phone calls: only two in the four hours I was in the office.  They keep the doors locked, so there's no foot traffic.  The bulletin is on a single sheet of paper.  And other than routing mail and financial papers, picking up bank bags on Monday morning, sending a few letters, doing the one-page bulletin and answering a phone that doesn't ring, almost everything else I do is self-motivated.  This job will not add 50 pounds. Hurray!

This afternoon I walked to the academic office on campus to get some forms and sample syllabi for the class I'm teaching.  I also picked up a textbook at the bookstore.  Syllabi prep now begins in earnest.  My friend Shawn says it's the best part of teaching, and I have to admit it's pretty exciting before students get involved and expose all the flaws in the teaching plan and before the grading begins.  Some of the forms I picked up are for signing up for classes.  I hope to get that done by early next week at the latest.  My friend Anne works in the music department and recommended that I take Piano 2 since I've had six years of lessons, but it meets while I'm teaching so I'll have to figure out how to work that out. I now have so many friends I've become a name dropper.  :)

I went to water aerobics again this evening.  I started realizing that the rest of the people who attend water aerobics see us as a group.  I don't even know their names, and they probably don't know mine.  I'm probably just the girl in the blue and black swimsuit who grins really big while she spins in circles when we do the tilted bicycle exercise (everyone else stays pretty stationary). It's my favorite.  I'll have to try learning who the rest of the exercisers are.  From their conversations I assume several are public school teachers/employees.  Word is that the sixth graders are really rowdy this year.

It's been a good busy day, and I'm pretty tired.  If I go to bed earlier, Matt gets to bed earlier, so my job may be good for both of us.

Ch-ch-changes

A stuttering theme for all the new things starting in August.  This evening while I was at water aerobics, the chair of the English department called to offer me up to 3 sections of classes to teach.  I'm supposed to call him tomorrow to find out more about class content and times.  The times are important because of my (probable) new part-time job as church secretary at Lowell Avenue Baptist Church.  The office is open 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., so I'll need to work my teaching schedule around that.  The final decision about hiring me at the church will be made at a business meeting on Wednesday evening, but everyone involved seems to think it's a formality.  I was also reminded recently that I can now take classes for free at Campbellsville University.  I'm looking into a Monday evening Self Defense/Tai Chi class, twice-a-week class piano lessons, and a 3-credit video production class.  If Matt needs me to take his Fantasy class to boost enrollment numbers, I could take that, too.  Matt pointed out that he would have to give me a grade, and I reminded him I'm sleeping with the professor. :)  But since it conflicts with water aerobics, I probably won't take it.  The classes I take will depend on my teaching schedule.  So my fall seems like it will be busy.

While I was at open swim last Thursday, I decided I was ready to really start trying to lose weight.  I've been coasting for almost 4 months and am at pre-pregnancy weight, but pre-pregnancy weight was 30 pounds more than I'm comfortable with.  My job at the church in Madison was pretty stressful for several years, and it added almost 50 pounds.  I'd really like to get back to a comfortable weight.  I've lost a pound since I decided last week to lose weight. Hurray for me!  This morning I did a Bollywood dance program from the fitness channel and was reminded how uncoordinated I am.  It really energized me, though, and I danced and fidgeted around the house all day.  And then I went to water aerobics tonight and stayed an extra hour after class at free swim.  I'm trying to teach myself proper swimming and breathing techniques so that I can swim laps efficiently.  Sometimes I do pretty well, and sometimes I inhale water and stand up sputtering.  My friend Beth used to teach swimming lessons and has offered to help me.  If I can't get the hang of it, I'll take her up on the offer.

I'm also following a fascinating new blog: http://adashofsouthernsass.blogspot.com/.  Ashley started it two days ago.  Ashley keeps me in touch with coolness, has a great sense of humor and sense of style, and tends to get into crazy situations and meet crazy people.  I look forward to reading her blog.  And when I logged on to post this evening, I found out there are all sorts of new features from blogger, so I redecorated my blog.  Even my blog is changing.

I have a website!

There's nothing on my website yet, but I have one: http://www.natalieroliver.com.  I got a domain name and a web host and am now a website owner!  I'm pretty excited.  A year ago, I never would have guessed that I'd have my own site.  When there's something interesting to see on the site, I'll post about it here on my blog.

It's an investment ($35 for one year) towards my career as a website designer.  I've worked on two websites, but I don't have anything reliable to show people who want to see samples of my work.  The synod got a new website, so none of my work is on their site.  I designed the Luther Memorial site, but someone else is now maintaining it, and the changes that have been made don't reflect my design aesthetic.  So I got my own site so that I can display my own designs without fear that it will be altered by someone else.

I also want to learn PHP, a programming language that makes websites interactive, and access to a server is necessary.  Now that I have my own website, I have access to a server and can work on learning more to make even better websites.  Also having my own site will give me a chance to learn more about the behind-the-scenes part of websites so that I will be able to help organizations that don't have a site at all to get things set up.

So now my days will be filled with gardening and my evenings with website design.

Staying Busy

It's been about a week since I last posted.  We've been staying busy.  This is finals week at Campbellsville University, so Matt has lots of grading to do.  Graduation is at 9 a.m. Saturday, and grades are due by 10 a.m. Monday.  I've been doing some projects.  I reorganized the bathroom shelves a couple days ago.  Yesterday I tried to work at the vegetable garden, but it was still too wet after last weekend's flood.  So I dug up a bit of the front yard right in front of our big window for a small flower and herb garden.  I dug about half of it--the difficult half--so that we could put a little walkway in front of the flowers leading to our front porch.  We need one more stone to complete the walkway.  I think we're also going to get a few stepping stones to put between the walkway and the driveway so that people will use our front door, which opens into our study.  The side door opens into a tiny space between the basement stairs and the kitchen, not a great place to greet visitors.  We're going to plant the tulips that the church sent to Neil's funeral.  We'll also probably get some other perennials and some parsley, lots of basil and maybe one cilantro plant.  Lowe's has lots of plants on clearance, and there are a few nurseries around.  I'll take and share pictures when the front flower garden is done.

We've also been socializing quite a bit.  Last Friday, we had hors d'oeuvres with Annie, Shawn, Susie and Thomas at Annie's farm after we worked in the community vegetable garden.  Then we went to Shawn and Susie's house for pizza and Scrabble.  Shawn is a new political science professor at the university.  Susie has a background in art.  We've had dinner with them several times and always have a lot of fun.  After church on Sunday, we ate pizza at The Snappy Tomato with the pastor's family--Mitch, Beth and Elliot--and Shawn and Susie and John, who owns the farm with his wife Annie.  Last night we went to a Cinco de Mayo party at Shawn and Susie's house.  They are from Texas, so they know how to throw a fiesta.  About half the church--it's a small church--was there.  Tonight we're going to the garden again.  It should be dry enough to finally plant some seeds.  Beth, Susie, and Thomas (another CU employee) have plots at the garden, too, so Annie has invited us all to stick around for a potluck after gardening.

From all the activity, you could probably guess that I'm feeling OK.  My stamina isn't great yet, but I haven't gotten dizzy for several days, so I'm making progress.  My nurse practitioner upped my anti-depressants and recommended some counselors.  Her top recommendation works for student counseling services at the university, which is free to us.  I'm going to call to get an appointment for us, hopefully for next week.  My gastro-intestinal woes are a bit better but linger.  I've been having problems with heartburn, and discomfort after eating isn't uncommon.  My stomach may have shrunk while I was pregnant, but I don't think I'm over-eating now.  But most of the time I'm OK.

Tomorrow the movie Iron Man 2 comes out, so Matt and I are going to see it at the theater here in town.  I wanted to go out of town for Mother's Day weekend, but Matt has to grade.  So we're planning a mini-trip to Cincinnati for some other time this summer, maybe later this month.  Tanner family vacation in Sevierville, Tennessee, is mid-June.  Since it's after my 6-week check up with the OB, I'm hoping I'll be allowed to swim again.  I'm not sure what else we have planned this summer.  There's always plenty of cleaning to do around here.  I'd like to learn proper swimming technique so that I can swim laps.  I need to get my bicycle tires aired up.  If we got a bike for Matt, we could bike to church together.  The tennis court is also across the street.

And I've applied for a few jobs.  There's a Baptist church that needs a part-time secretary.  I've also applied to be an adjunct professor at the university.  If I'm going to teach this fall, I'll want to prepare a syllabus and some worksheets/assignments over the summer.  I'm considering getting my own website so that I can continue practicing web design and can learn PHP (a programming language that makes pages more interactive).  It's not expensive and will give me a place to show my skills to potential employers.  I had planned to contact area churches last fall to try to get some web design/maintenance clients, but I never got around to it.  I guess I could do that this summer when I know what other employment I've got lined up.  I don't want to over-commit.

My summer will not be what I had been planning for, but it should be fun and productive.

Check out Dr. Oliver!

We ordered Matt's academic regalia last month hoping it would arrive before graduation, and it came today.  I had him put it on immediately and took pictures. We love the hat.

The blue on the hood is the color for philosophy: Ph.D. is a doctorate of philosophy.  The red, or "cardinal," is the color of the school at which he earned his degree.  Some schools have two colors.  For sports, UW's colors are cardinal and white.  For academic regalia it's just cardinal.  I'm glad.  A red, white and blue hood would make him look like "Dr. America" (Captain America's over-educated cousin?).

Nearly Normal (Physically)

I weighed myself again this morning and had lost 7.5 pounds since Sunday night.  I was so excited about the weight/fluid loss and wearing pre-pregnancy bras that I decided to try pre-pregnancy panties.  Hurray!  They fit! Then I decided to try my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans.  Hurray!  They fit, too!  OK, I had a bit of a "muffin top" because of the stretched out skin on my belly, but I was in the jeans without sucking in my gut.  And if I'm not wearing pants with a maternity panel, I can wear any shirt I want to.  I looked like a normal, non-pregnant person!

I was so thrilled that I walked to Matt's office to show him.  I hadn't intended to be so active so soon, but I was looking good and feeling good and figured I'd get some exercise and take along my computer to work on my resume, pay some bills, and participate in the discussion in Matt's afternoon literature class.  Over halfway there, I remembered that the book I thought he was lecturing on has a really sad portion about not having babies.  I considered returning home, but then I remembered that I'm not supposed to lift more than 10 pounds and was carrying my laptop bag full of electronic accessories and snacks.  I needed to rest, and I'd be able to do that soonest in Matt's office.  He could help me figure out what to do if I didn't think I could get me and my computer home.  He was surprised but pleased to see me.  So we ate some cheese and crackers I had packed in my computer bag, and I found out that he wasn't lecturing about sad passages today.  He was showing his Intro Lit. class an episode of the TV show Firefly.  I could certainly stay for that!  I worked on my resume while watching TV, got to say hi to his student that is getting married this summer and moving into the house next to ours, and then talked to Dr. Neal about teaching in the fall.  He hadn't told me when I contacted him last month that I need to fill out an employment application, so Matt took me to the office where they have applications.  By then I was rested enough to walk slowly home carrying my computer bag.  But when I got home, my underused abdominal muscles were exhausted from holding me upright while I was walking around and carrying things.  I'm going to take it easier tomorrow no matter how good I look. :)

Tomorrow will exercise my social "muscles" more.  My two friends from church who I've had coffee and lunch with are coming over to bring food and visit a little.  I've assured Beth that it's OK to bring her son because being around the niece and nephews went pretty well while I was in Missouri.  Susie said she'll take me to the community garden sometime, even though I warned her about spontaneous crying.  I now have time to garden this summer and would like some squash and zucchini.  I'll ask the lady who owns the farm what else she recommends I plant.  Matt supports my plan to garden as long as he doesn't have to participate.  Beth and Susie are both gardening, so I should have plenty of company.  I'm also thinking of mini-trips to take and activities to try this summer.  I'd rather have Neil, but since I can't have him, I plan to make the most of this time.

I'm not yet ready to blog much about feelings.  Some moments are fine; others are not.  My mind seems to accept reality pretty well, but something instinctive and irrational in me has to sob sometimes.  I think hormones are involved.  There are some things that if I think about them too much make me light headed.  But most of the time I'm OK.

The Baby Registry is Started

Today Matt and I went to Walmart to put items on the baby registry, which is in our names because the baby doesn't have a name yet.  I had a list of items with comments from trusted mothers, and we registered for almost everything on the list.  I have a few more items to add, but I thought I'd talk to my sister when we go to Missouri before adding those.  She hasn't been involved in the email consultations I've been doing with other new mothers I know.

Matt always has fun playing with the toys, and he found several non-electronic toys that jingle and rattle when manipulated by a baby.  I'm particularly fond of sock rattles for some reason.  We both agreed that the combination book/teether didn't send the right message about how to treat books, a very important lesson in a family that dedicates an entire room to books (and office stuff) no matter how small the apartment.  I realized later that we didn't actually go to the toy department while we were registering, so we'll make another outing for further toy registering sometime.  I've had my eye on a stuffed sea horse that glows gently and makes soft music and waves on the seashore noises for bedtime.  It kind of reminds me of the Glo-Worm I had when I was little.

While we were at Walmart, I hit the clearance rack and got a 0-9 months blanket sleeper for $5 and a changing pad with storage pockets, which rang up as $2.50 at the register.  Yay!  I decided to put a few diapers and an article of clothing in the changing pad pockets when we got home.  The diapers are so small and cute; they have Big Bird and Snuffy on them.  I realized how small our baby will be, and I guess he'll be similarly cute because he'll be wearing the Big Bird/Snuffy diapers.

When I have access to a Target store, I'll probably register for some things there, too.  The times we've gone to the Target in Elizabethtown we've seen some things we like, mostly clothes and bibs.  And they have the breast pump recommended by the nurse practitioner in Madison.

I gave my resume to the chair of the English department today and am hoping that job works out and pays enough to get some of the big ticket items that we may not receive from friends and family: a dresser, a rocker-recliner, a really nice breast pump, and a crib.  There may be plenty of other items we don't receive as gifts, but hopefully we can stretch those purchases out over several months.

Now I just need to clean out the extra bedroom so we have a place to put the baby and all his stuff.

No substitute left behind

I did some research, and Kentucky certifies only substitutes who have degrees in education.  If you don't have a degree in education, you can get emergency certification if you have any 4-year degree.  But you aren't at the top of anyone's call list, and you make less money.  In Campbellsville, I would make $53 for a full day of substituting.  I made almost twice that in Springfield!  I'm not sure it's worth buying work-appropriate maternity clothes to make about $7 an hour.  If we really, really need the money and nothing else pans out, I'll look into it again.  But it's not as good as an option as I'd hoped.  I would think that being qualified to teach college English courses would make me worth more than $53 a day as an English substitute.

So I'll put my effort into my resume.  I'd rather build a website than substitute teach anyway.  I really just need something flexible to do until I can start adjunct teaching next fall.

NRO @ LMC: R.I.P

Other than being available to answer questions, I am pretty much through working for Luther Memorial. After 5.5 years, I'm moving on! To what, I'm not sure. I'm going to look into substitute teaching at the two school districts in town. I'm also working on my resume to be eligible for a web design job for the English Department at Campbellsville University. Until another job comes along, I'll clean the house, unpack boxes, and practice/learn Javascript and PHP.  Plenty to keep me busy.