I have read the advice "begin as you wish to continue" and think it's excellent advice; however, sometimes you cannot begin as you wish to continue, and then you have to "sleep train" a six month old.
Before Lucy was born, our plan was to have her sleep in a bassinet and eventually move her to a crib when she got a bit bigger (and when we got a crib). But my c-section complicated that. I was unable to lift or carry Lucy for several weeks, so Matt had to be the one to put her into and get her out of the bassinet. And it turned out that Lucy hated the bassinet. And we hated to hear her cry. In those early days, I felt like my soul was being pulled out through my nipple if she cried for very long. It was also very inconvenient to keep putting her in the bassinet and getting her out when she cried a few minutes later. I desperately needed to sleep and couldn't sleep with her crying (between the noise and the sensation of soul extraction). And Matt was working or watching TV at the other end of the house and had to keep running back and forth to drop off or collect the baby a couple times an hour. But it was most inconvenient when Lucy needed something after Matt had gone to bed. I felt so bad about Matt's needing to shuttle Lucy between the bassinet and my recliner minutes after he had finally dropped off to sleep. And some nights it was hard to get his attention to have him return Lucy to the bassinet after she ate. So one night I improvised.
I tried putting Lucy in the bouncy seat next to the recliner. I could pretty much drop her into it, so it didn't involve lifting. But after I set her down, I became afraid that her head would tilt forward and cut off her airway (which can actually happen) and that I would wake up and find my baby dead. The idea of another baby dead due to oxygen deprivation was more than I could stand, so I picked her up again. My only other choice was to keep her with me in the recliner. I considered the risk of dropping or smothering her but decided that neither of us was mobile enough for those to be serious threats. So she curled up, and I laid her on my chest, and we slept. It worked so well that we continued it.
When my parents visited us in October, they brought a cradle built by my great-grandfather. Lucy seemed to like it just fine unless it rocked. Her startle reflex has always been very strong. I had hoped that the cradle would be of a convenient height next to either the recliner in the nursery or our four-poster bed in the bedroom. it wasn't quite right for either. I felt like I had to toss her in while sitting in the recliner or drop her a foot or so from the bed. I wasn't OK with either of those, so I tried getting out of the recliner to put her into or take her out of the cradle. I had healed enough that I could do that, so I did for several nights. However, I was so woozy at the 6:00 feeding every night that I just kept her in the recliner with me from 6:00 until we got up. After I went back to work, I was too tired to deal with the cradle at all. So Lucy continued to sleep with me.
Matt was willing to help with night feedings, which might have made me less woozy at 6:00 a.m., but early on I had some supply issues and couldn't pump enough milk for night bottles. We were having to use pumped milk to feed her during clusterfeedings in the evenings. I was making enough milk, just not when she needed it, so we had to redistribute it. When I went back to work, I had to pump enough for Lucy to eat with the babysitter. It took everything I pumped all day to provide bottles for my time away, so there was no milk for Matt to feed her at night. By the time I was pumping enough for night bottles, Lucy only wanted momma at night.
During our months of co-sleeping, we only had one scary incident. By early December she was big enough that she preferred to sleep next to me in the crook of my arm rather than on my chest. Early one morning I heard a thud and felt an empty space beside me. I looked down and saw Lucy face-down on the wood floor by the recliner. I picked her up before she started to cry, which she did loudly. I immediately started feeding her to calm her. Then I changed her diaper and checked her for damage. There didn't appear to be any, but I took her to work with me to keep an eye on her in case she started exhibiting neurological symptoms. She was fine. I held her a little tighter after that. And a few days later I figured out how she fell. One night she was hungry, and I barely caught her as she launched herself at my breast. Apparently, she had tried to help herself while I was sleeping and overshot my breast and landed on the floor instead. She's clever and independent but overestimates her physical abilities.
We received a crib as a Christmas gift and Lucy seemed to like it just fine, but I was definitely too woozy to get her into and out of a crib several times a night and then get up and go to work the next morning. So she kept sleeping in the recliner with me. We even worked out a way for her to help herself without falling out, so I was able to sleep through a feeding or two. At the time, that's what I needed to continue functioning. And I must admit that I liked snuggling with her as well. But I knew it wasn't in Lucy's best interest to continue our sleeping arrangement. She started to be able to sleep only on me. She even napped on me, so I was unable to get anything done during her naps. Since my working was making our co-cleeping necessary, it was one of the reasons I quit my part-time job.
So now that I'm home full time, we're working toward self-sufficient sleeping: in her crib, for 6 hours at a time, soothing herself back to sleep, not needing to nurse to fall asleep, and maybe even falling asleep in the crib by herself rather than being moved there when she's already asleep. It's a big goal and not something we could tackle all at once. She had previously proved she was capable of sleeping 6 hours at a time, so we started with trying to get her to sleep somewhere other than on me. I put her crib mattress on the floor and another crib mattress we already owned next to it so that we can sleep next to each other. She could sleep AGAINST me if she wanted but not ON me. We've had varying degrees of success with this. One night she slept 6 hours on her mattress and even fell asleep without nursing. And I've been able to lay her down during naps sometimes and get some work done around the house. But most of the time she wakes as soon as she feels the mattress and isn't comforted by my touch or voice. Only picking her up or feeding her will soothe her. It's exhausting! I could never have done this while holding down a job. By 8:00 I consider the night over and let us nap in the recliner for a couple hours. I try to be consistent, but I have to get some sleep sometime so that I can continue to function, and I get as few as 3 hours some nights. I do see some signs of improvement. I'm more likely to let her cry a little to get her to try to soothe herself. Last night she woke, cried, thrashed about with her eyes closed, rolled over onto her tummy, and promptly fell asleep and stayed asleep for 6 hours. I, however, woke at least every 2 hours to make sure she was still breathing. Yes, I'm still afraid she'll suffocate. But each success is teaching both of us that we can do this. It's hard work, but it's good for both of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment