Check out Dr. Oliver!

We ordered Matt's academic regalia last month hoping it would arrive before graduation, and it came today.  I had him put it on immediately and took pictures. We love the hat.

The blue on the hood is the color for philosophy: Ph.D. is a doctorate of philosophy.  The red, or "cardinal," is the color of the school at which he earned his degree.  Some schools have two colors.  For sports, UW's colors are cardinal and white.  For academic regalia it's just cardinal.  I'm glad.  A red, white and blue hood would make him look like "Dr. America" (Captain America's over-educated cousin?).

Nearly Normal (Physically)

I weighed myself again this morning and had lost 7.5 pounds since Sunday night.  I was so excited about the weight/fluid loss and wearing pre-pregnancy bras that I decided to try pre-pregnancy panties.  Hurray!  They fit! Then I decided to try my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans.  Hurray!  They fit, too!  OK, I had a bit of a "muffin top" because of the stretched out skin on my belly, but I was in the jeans without sucking in my gut.  And if I'm not wearing pants with a maternity panel, I can wear any shirt I want to.  I looked like a normal, non-pregnant person!

I was so thrilled that I walked to Matt's office to show him.  I hadn't intended to be so active so soon, but I was looking good and feeling good and figured I'd get some exercise and take along my computer to work on my resume, pay some bills, and participate in the discussion in Matt's afternoon literature class.  Over halfway there, I remembered that the book I thought he was lecturing on has a really sad portion about not having babies.  I considered returning home, but then I remembered that I'm not supposed to lift more than 10 pounds and was carrying my laptop bag full of electronic accessories and snacks.  I needed to rest, and I'd be able to do that soonest in Matt's office.  He could help me figure out what to do if I didn't think I could get me and my computer home.  He was surprised but pleased to see me.  So we ate some cheese and crackers I had packed in my computer bag, and I found out that he wasn't lecturing about sad passages today.  He was showing his Intro Lit. class an episode of the TV show Firefly.  I could certainly stay for that!  I worked on my resume while watching TV, got to say hi to his student that is getting married this summer and moving into the house next to ours, and then talked to Dr. Neal about teaching in the fall.  He hadn't told me when I contacted him last month that I need to fill out an employment application, so Matt took me to the office where they have applications.  By then I was rested enough to walk slowly home carrying my computer bag.  But when I got home, my underused abdominal muscles were exhausted from holding me upright while I was walking around and carrying things.  I'm going to take it easier tomorrow no matter how good I look. :)

Tomorrow will exercise my social "muscles" more.  My two friends from church who I've had coffee and lunch with are coming over to bring food and visit a little.  I've assured Beth that it's OK to bring her son because being around the niece and nephews went pretty well while I was in Missouri.  Susie said she'll take me to the community garden sometime, even though I warned her about spontaneous crying.  I now have time to garden this summer and would like some squash and zucchini.  I'll ask the lady who owns the farm what else she recommends I plant.  Matt supports my plan to garden as long as he doesn't have to participate.  Beth and Susie are both gardening, so I should have plenty of company.  I'm also thinking of mini-trips to take and activities to try this summer.  I'd rather have Neil, but since I can't have him, I plan to make the most of this time.

I'm not yet ready to blog much about feelings.  Some moments are fine; others are not.  My mind seems to accept reality pretty well, but something instinctive and irrational in me has to sob sometimes.  I think hormones are involved.  There are some things that if I think about them too much make me light headed.  But most of the time I'm OK.

My Guts Prefer Pregnancy

My body is recovering pretty well from being pregnant.  The post-pregnancy breast engorgement is pretty much gone.  How quickly I went from a 42DD+ to a 38D!  I'm certainly not complaining. :) The weird sliding of organs in my abdomen when I stand up is settling.  I'm still moving a little slowly, but I hope to pick up the pace next week.

Unfortunately, the gastrointestinal difficulties that seemed to magically disappear while I was pregnant have returned.  Everything I eat hurts.  The stress of grieving doesn't help, but I don't think my guts like their "normal" location.  I told Matt that if future pregnancies correct the problems again, I should have surgery to rehang my organs in pregnancy positions.  He thinks I should just stay pregnant, not the first time he's suggested this.  I reminded him that menopause will hit eventually, and I don't really need gastrointestinal problems while dealing with menopause symptoms.

I don't know that I'd mind staying pregnant if I could start at a healthier weight, which I plan to do next time.  I've lost 10 pounds so far of the 25 I gained, and I've got more fluid to get rid of.  My body absorbed all of the amniotic fluid that should have surrounded the baby, and that's in addition to the fluid that was puffing up my feet and the extra 20% of blood volume during pregnancy. The nurse at the hospital said that the pitocin used during inducement would make the fluid stick around longer than if it hadn't been used.  I'd like to lose 50 more pounds but will probably be mentally and emotionally ready to have a baby before I lose that much weight, which would take about 6 months at a healthy rate.  I'm giving myself one more week of rest before I try to exercise.  If the weather warms up this week, I'll see if Matt and I can go for a short walk or two, perhaps to the dining hall for dinner.

Matt has been very sweet and supportive.  I've needed lots of hugs, and he doesn't mind the spontaneous crying.  He's great to talk to because nothing I say is inappropriate or shocking to him, whether its black humor or theological speculation.  I stocked up on frozen food, so he's able to help a lot with meal prep.  Tonight we had microwaved garlic and herb fish, RiceARoni, and green beans.  Healthy and yummy (and still causing intermittent abdominal pain several hours later).  Matt takes really good care of me.  I'm so glad I have him.

What We Know Now

Neil was delivered at 9:54 yesterday.  He was 6 pounds, 3 oz. and 19 inches long.  When the placenta was delivered, the doctor could tell that Neil died of a cord accident.  The umbilical cord was attached to the placenta in an unusual but not necessarily life-threatening way.  Somehow Neil jarred the umbilical cord just enough that it became detached from its only blood vessel in the placenta.  The doctor told us that even if this accident had occurred when I was in the hospital in labor, they would not have been able to do an emergency C-Section in time to save him.  There was really nothing anyone could do.  And there was no way to foresee this.

Matt and I got to hold him.  Her was perfect and precious, and it was hard to believe he wouldn't wake up.  Nurses took pictures for us and put together a keepsake box with hand and foot prints and a lock of hair.

Matt and I are leaving the hospital this morning to take Neil's body to Springfield, Mo., to be buried.  Because he was stillborn, we are allowed to transport him ourselves.  He will be buried at Greenlawn cemetery sometime this week.  We aren't holding a formal funeral or memorial service.  After he has been buried, we will go with family to the grave site for prayer.

I believe I am recovering well both physically and emotionally.  I was well-medicated during most of labor and was able to deliver without significant tearing.  I've had a little time to process this experience, but I still occasionally spontaneously cry.  It's to be expected.  Matt has been super-supportive.  I told him this is one of those life situations that let you know if you've married the right person (not that I doubted that I married the right person).  I hate the situation, but I'm glad that I've got him to go through it with me.

Thank you for continuing to support us with your prayers.

Sad News

When we went to the hospital for another Non-Stress Test this afternoon, they couldn't find a heartbeat.  The obstetrician was called and did an ultrasound and verified that the baby had no heartbeat.  The doctor has no idea yet why I miscarried a full-term baby who was well just two days ago.  I am currently in the hospital being induced.

Matt and I are still trying to wrap our minds around this news.  Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.  At this time, we ask that you not contact us.  We know that we having loving and supportive friends and family that are praying for us and grieving with us.  We aren't yet ready to talk or listen to anyone.  We are comforting each other and cherish the knowledge that so many people care for us.  I will post more when I am technologically, physically, and emotionally able.

Almost the Last Trip to Lebanon

When we got in the car to go to my OB appointment, Matt noted that it would be our last trip to Lebanon save the one when Neil arrives (on his own or by induction), and we rejoiced.  My blood pressure held steady, so we thought we were in the clear.  Then Dr. Ackermann told us he wants us to go to the hospital on Saturday for another Non-Stress Test, no particular reason given except continued vigilance.  Happy birthday to me. :(  Another trip to Lebanon so that we can be hooked up to a fetal monitor that will irritate Neil.  So I've told Neil that if he wants to avoid the monitor, he has to start coming by sometime Saturday morning.  Every time I said the word "monitor," he squirmed or kicked.

I've tried coaxing, letting him know that staying in my uterus is not an option, explaining the consequences of not coming out soon, and warning him about the monitor on Saturday, but Neil doesn't seem to be cooperating.  A few days ago he was sitting low in my pelvis.  Apparently, he's crawled back out again and is lying diagonally across my abdomen.  Peanut M&Ms don't seem to be a solution this time.  If I eat them, he has no incentive to come out.  I told Matt it would be nice if M&Ms in my underwear would lure Neil out, but we don't think that's going to work.  It did make us laugh.  We'll see how desperate I feel Sunday night if Neil hasn't come by then. :)

I've been tired but have tried to stay active.  I've gone swimming every night this week until tonight, when I was very popular and received quite a few phone calls.  I've got some coupons that expire today, so I think I'll go to Walmart in a few minutes to use the best of them.  Walking around Walmart tends to keep me entertained enough that I walk until I feel too crampy.  I tend to equate discomfort with progress, so it will make me feel like I'm closer to going into labor even if I'm not, and it certainly won't hurt anything.

While I'm out I'll probably look for cake or ice cream.  Both have sounded and tasted very good recently.  I was surprised when they told me at the doctor's office that I've lost a pound since Monday.  Since Monday, I've had a party platter of day-old mini butter croissants and four pieces of German Chocolate cake and at least two scoops of Baskin Robbins ice cream.  And that's just a few of my snacks.  Last night I ate two mini pizzas for supper.  They were so good, though.  They were plain cheese pizzas, so I dressed them up: one became pepperoni and mushroom, the other was margherita (fresh tomatoes, basil and mozzarella).  I made them both at the same time and figured I'd have leftovers for lunch today.  Nope.  I ate them both in one sitting.  They did have veggies on them.  A few hours later I had angel food cake and strawberries for dessert.  I did eat an apple earlier in the day.  I am trying to eat mostly healthy foods, but I'm hungry every couple hours and baked goods always sound yummy.  Neil must be eating really well if I'm not gaining weight.  Maybe that's why he won't come out.  Perhaps I shouldn't get cake or ice cream just in case it's encouraging him to stay inside, certainly not cake or ice cream with peanuts.

Still Waiting, but with Free Food

Neil is still keeping his own counsel in regard to his birth date.  I talk to him every day to let him know that it's OK that he hasn't arrived yet but that he's running out of options.  So far we've tended to concentrate on the benefits of being an "outside" baby.  But today, I was pretty blunt with him and told him that staying inside is not an option.  If he doesn't come before Monday, the doctors will evict him from my uterus, and if he doesn't leave quickly enough they'll come in and drag him out.  I'm encouraging him to be brave and leave on his own terms.  And I'm still talking up the nifty things he can do after he arrives.  Matt has started pitching in on these conversations.  I thought that baths of varying temperatures instead of perpetual prunyness is a selling point.  Matt wasn't so sure, but when I mentioned books as something worth coming out for, Matt agreed heartily. :)

I've been working on my to-do list a little during the day and going swimming every evening.  Last night Matt was busy when I wanted to go to the pool, so I went alone and had him meet me there later.  I think I made the lifeguard nervous.  He's a college kid responsible for the lives of everyone in the pool, and I'm sure he can rescue drowning people.  But I could see in his eyes that no one told him that delivering babies might be one of his lifeguarding duties. :)  He just kept watching me.  I demonstrated that I can swim and float and hoped that would put him at ease, but he didn't stop staring until Matt arrived.  I've decided that I'm going swimming every evening until Neil arrives.  It keeps me active and lets me stretch and move around.  And I figure if I'm not allowed to take baths for a while after he's born, swimming will be out of the question, too.  I'm hoping that walking to and from the pool and staying active will encourage labor to begin.  I guess it's my back up plan in case reasoning with Neil isn't enough.

Neil has been pretty perky this week.  He just played pat-pat with me for a few minutes.  He seems to spend long periods of time napping, but he wakes up several times a day to play and wiggle and kick, and he appreciates a good meal.  I've felt good, too, and also take naps, and I always enjoy a good meal.  So we're both doing fine and waiting for something exciting to happen.

I'll post something to my blog after our appointment tomorrow, but I hope to have little or nothing to report from that visit.  I've got a "welcome" coupon and a birthday coupon from joining the Captain D's club, so we'll probably have that for supper after the appointment.  I've also got a free scoop of Baskin Robbins ice cream coming to me.  If Neil holds off long enough that I feel the need to make an appointment with an acupuncturist in Elizabethtown, I could use my Ryan's coupon for a buy one, get one buffet for supper afterward.  Happy birthday to me!  If he comes before then, I'll have a baby for my birthday and will just have to get hot rolls with honey butter elsewhere. :)

Full-Term OB Apathy

Yesterday was Neil's due date.  Hurray!

Today we had another appointment with the OB and were ready for a fight to postpone induction until Thursday.  Neil passed his BPP.  My blood pressure was the same as it's been for the last few weeks, perhaps a little better.  Dr. Ackermann came in, asked when I was going to have a baby, checked my cervix, and said that as long as my blood pressure is OK on Thursday they'll wait until next Monday to induce.  That was easy!  Apparently, now that Neil is full-term, no one is especially worried about him.  My cervix is at a full 1 cm.  Dr. Ackermann said that if we induced at this point it would most likely end in C-Section because of my lack of progress.  He does want to induce in week 41 because of increased risk of Neil's inhaling his own feces in the womb.  It's not related to his size; there's no reason to assume that Neil is any more of a poop snorter than any other 41-week fetus.  I don't want to induce at all, but giving Neil a week past his due date seems fair to me.

I've been talking to Neil about choosing a birth date.  I've given him pros and cons of each day this week so that he can make an informed decision.  I don't want him to think that he has options beyond this week.  If his sense of time is like mine, a deadline of Saturday will mean he'll be ready to arrive on Sunday or Monday.  I've also been talking up how much his parents want to see him and give him hugs and kisses.  He's been settling further into my pelvis.  Sometimes it feels like he's burrowing.  Perhaps promises of hugs and kisses are making him eager to see us, too.

Neil Wants You to Get a Google Account

Google Accounts are free and give you access to a lot of online tools.  I got a Google account while working at Luther Memorial and eventually got the whole staff as well as the church website using them.  I love Google applications that much.  So here's why you should have a free Google account, too.  The top reasons are Neil-related; the others are my recommmendations.

To Video Chat with Neil: Google Talk
Most of my readers live at least five hours from me and probably will not get to see Neil as often as they would like.  You can get your Neil fix by video chatting with him/us online using Google's free voice and video chatting.  Voice chat is like making a phone call from one computer to another; video chat adds live video to a voice chat. 

Voice/video chatting is free, but you will need a webcam or at least a microphone to participate.  If you have a newer computer, you may have a built-in webcam and microphone. Otherwise, you'll need to buy a little equipment.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  Voice chat requires a headset or microphone and speakers/headphones.  If you don't have a webcam, you can still participate in video chats.  You will be able to see Neil via our webcam, but we won't be able to see you.  As long as you have a microphone, we'll still be able to hear and respond to you.  All computers have jacks for headphones and microphones.  You can buy headsets that use these jacks for about $20 at Walmart.  Some headsets use a USB port instead.  Full headsets that use USB ports tend to be a little more expensive, but they're very easy to use.  I found a compromise and bought a Gigaware USB microphone that has a jack to plug in your own headphones for $10 at Radio Shack.  Webcams are also available from Walmart for less than $25.

Chatting ability is built into several Google applications--GMail and iGoogle--and is also available as a stand-alone installation for your desktop called Google Talk.  Google Talk works a lot like Skype, which is also free, but I find Google to be more reliable than Skype.  And a Google account has many more uses, a real multi-tasker.  The set-up is pretty easy, and Google provides good instructions for everything you need to get going.


To See Private Pictures of Neil: Picasa
By "private" I do not mean pictures of Neil's "boy parts."  Private pictures are those restricted to certain viewers.  Right now most of my online photos are public because a Google account is necessary to share the photos and the people who want to see them don't have Google accounts.  Photos of children online is a security issue, and though I'm not overly concerned about Neil being kidnapped because his photo is online, I'd prefer to make most of my photos of Neil private.  I will post a few photos on Facebook and on my blog, but most will be in my Picasa account.  If you have a Google account, I can invite you to view the private collections of pictures.  Picasa accounts also let you upload and organize your own photos for others to view. It makes sharing pictures and making slideshows easy and has cool features like face recognition.

Share Calendars

Google Calendar allows you to create and share multiple calendars.  I have one for family birthdays and anniversaries.  It has dates for me and Matt as well as our parents, siblings, in-laws, and niece and nephews as well as a few grandparents and Aunt Sandra. I'd like to make it more complete, so if you want to share birth dates and anniversaries, I'll add them to the calendar.  I can then share the calendar with family members so that they all have the information, too.  It's sortable by family (Oliver, Tanner, Sorbo, etc.) so that you can see the ones that matter most to you.

So I Have Someone to Wave With
Google Wave is one of the latest applications, and I haven't gotten to try it out because most people I know don't have Google accounts.  I think Wave is really cool, but I can't say for sure because I haven't gotten to try it out enough.  Help me out and Wave with me.


Customizable Google Maps
Matt and I used this for our trip to Louisville.  When you search for locations, you can save the locations to a map.  We made a map of bookstores, ethnic restaurants, used children's stores, and movie theaters that we were interested in.  I was able to research restaurants that had good ratings and reasonable prices and add just the locations that were yummy, interesting and affordable.  The map is still saved and can be used again for our next trip.


Best Email Ever: GMail
GMail's initial claim to fame when it started 5 years ago was its outrageous 1GB storage.  Today I have 7 GB of storage.  I love it for it's many features, and Google is always adding new features to try out.  You can have GMail collect mail from other e-mail accounts you own, and it will let you send mail from GMail that looks like it comes from your other email address.  This is really helpful if you're making a transition from one email account to GMail.  Filters will put labels on messages as soon as they come in.  You can video chat from GMail and send text messages to people's cell phones, which I do since I don't own a cell phone myself.  I love my GMail and think everyone should use it.

If you sign up for a GMail address, you get a Google account with your new GMail address as your log-in.  If you don't want a GMail address, you can use your current email address to sign up for a Google account at https://www.google.com/accounts/NewAccount.  If you have any questions about these applications or run into problems signing up for a Google account, feel free to contact me.  I'm not an expert or a Google employee, but I'm reasonably experienced and very enthusiastic.

Home Again!

My blood pressure was about as high today as it was last time, so I was a little afraid we'd have to go through all of the tests again, but we didn't have to.  Dr. Reynolds was in fine form today.  He came in singing and carried on a very animated conversation with Matt that had us all laughing.  I laughed so hard I cried.  My blood pressure might have been better if they had taken it then instead of before we saw him.  He felt my abdomen, commented on how the baby felt like he was a good size, and tested my reflexes, which were as outrageously touchy as usual.  He repeatedly asked us what he was supposed to do with us and declared us to be a pain in his bum because we aren't following a typical maternity story line.  Neil is small and I have gestational hypertension, but we're healthy.  Babies with Neil's growth numbers are supposed to need to be delivered early so that they can thrive, but he's growing and well-developed.  Mothers with my blood pressure numbers are supposed to develop preeclampsia and need to be induced, but I feel fine and have no other symptoms of preeclampsia.  We're supposed to need intervention from doctors, so the fact that we don't is making the doctors nervous.  We're off script.  

Dr. Reynolds didn't check my cervix again, but he said at the rate I'm going I might not deliver on my own until week 45.  He told us that as long as Neil's non-stress test at the hospital went OK (and it did) that he could give us until Monday to try to have the baby without inducing.  He said he can't really see us waiting past Monday.  We'll see.  We're scheduled to see Dr. Ackermann on Monday.  We want to wait as long as possible, and if they do have to induce, it's better for Matt's schedule if they do it at the end of the week.  So if Neil doesn't come on his own before then, we're hoping he arrives on or just before my 30th birthday.  I asked Neil last night which birth date he has picked out for himself, but he didn't answer.  Matt has tried asking Neil to come out to play.  I asked what they would play, and Matt said, "Changing diapers."  I suggested that it might sound like more fun to tell Neil he could play sprinkler. :)  Matt didn't like that idea as much.

Our trip to the hospital today was better in several ways.  There were no needles or catheters.  I didn't have to take my clothes off.  I was given a drink and a snack instead of being starved.  Once again my blood pressure was better at the hospital than at the clinic.  And Neil didn't fight the monitor quite as hard this time.  He still didn't like it, but he didn't kick it for a full hour.  Today's technique was more about applying a lot of pressure to the monitor so that it might pop off.  He also seemed to try flipping it over, which would have moved it more towards my rib cage.  He was unsuccessful, but I applauded the effort.  I don't want to discourage him if this is what it takes to keep him feisty during labor.  I did tell him that to ultimately defeat the monitor and rule mommy's tummy he needs to come out.  When he comes out, he can lay on mommy's tummy all he wants and the monitor will go away. We'll see if that entices him.

Neil was really lethargic this morning, and I felt crampy, so I kept trying to figure out if he was having problems or I was having contractions.  Since then it's become clear that he's fine and I'm not in labor, but not knowing if I was having a baby today made today's errands more urgent.  I had prescription refills to pick up and mouse traps to buy.  Matt found a mouse in our kitchen this morning, and we think it scurried under the dishwasher.  We've been finding mysterious pellets in the kitchen that we now know to be mouse droppings.  We've got some serious cleaning to do.  Yeah, we needed something else to keep us busy right now.

A New Pre-Neil Picasa Album including Video

I have some photos from the last few weeks.  The video Matt took of Neil kicking the fetal monitor is in this album.  Matt's camera work is a little shaky, but the bumping and rolling of my belly is all Neil.  Any other pregnancy pictures I take will be put in this album.

Partial Home Tour

We've finished the nursery and the study, so I thought I'd share some pictures of a few rooms.



Home Tour Slideshow

Hot Mama...and Daddy!

Our air conditioning is just now fixed.  A maintenance guy just came to look at it and temporarily solved the problem.  I called to report the problem first thing this morning and called again at noon and mentioned I was pregnant, days away from my due date.  I thought that would get me some sympathy, but it didn't.  So I turned on all our ceiling fans and was reasonably comfortable this morning.  This afternoon I went out for an iced coffee with some new friends.  Matt and I ate dinner at the university cafeteria.  The thought of cooking in this heat or even eating in this heat was miserable.  When we got home, we changed into our swimming suits and went to the pool.  Even Matt went swimming this time.  Before we left for the pool, I called the emergency maintenance number and told someone about our lack of air conditioning.  That's how we got someone to come out after 9:00.  It turns out there's something wrong with our thermostat.  It's telling our heater and air conditioner to work at the same time, and the heater is winning.  So they turned off the gas to the heater, and cold air started coming out of the registers.  They're coming back tomorrow to permanently fix the problem. Hurray!  Even without air conditioning, today was better than yesterday.

More Tests Passed, More Time to Wait

Neil and I have been poked, prodded and tested in every imaginable way and have proved ourselves to be healthy and not in need of labor induction today.  The doctor told us last week that he would evaluate our situation today and decide if he was going to induce immediately.  So we packed our hospital bags in the car just in case and figured that if Neil passed his BPP again that they would leave us alone.  Neil passed it easily.  My blood pressure was a little higher, and my cervix has softened more but is not more dilated.  The higher blood pressure made the doctor more concerned about preeclampsia even though I have no other symptoms.  So he sent us to the hospital to check my platelet levels, liver function, and urine protein and to track Neil's heart rate and my blood pressure.  He told us that if we failed any of the tests he would want to induce because preeclampsia can get bad quickly and can only be treated by delivering the baby.

So we walked to the hospital, and they took my blood, used a catheter to collect a urine sample, and put a fetal monitor on my belly while the lab tests were run.  Even after blood draws and a catheter, my blood pressure was lower than it had been in the doctor's office.  I think it was because my guys were keeping me entertained.  Matt was sliding around the room in a rolling chair and making faces at me.  Neil was fighting the fetal monitor for control of mommy's belly.  The uterine activity monitor was strapped on my belly at just about where my computer lap desk rests against my tummy, and Neil kicks my lap desk until I move it.  I couldn't move the monitor, so he kept kicking it for over an hour.  He started kicking patiently but insistently for the first 15 minutes or so.  He was kicking so hard that Matt was able to take a short video of it with our camera.  When it became obvious that insistence wasn't working, he stopped kicking, wiggled into a different position, and started kicking from a different angle.  Next he tried combination kicks instead of individual kicks, and then he changed the rhythm.  He was very methodical and very determined.  I was very impressed, very amused, and pretty sore.  The tests all came back favorably, which proved that I have not developed preeclampsia.  And Neil was obviously feisty, and his heart rate was perfect as well.  Since both of us are so healthy, there was absolutely no reason to induce, so they had to let us go home.  They told me to take it easy and come back to my regular Thursday appointment.

So we've got a few more days for Neil to arrive on his own without medical intervention.  Who knows if we'll be able to stall induction past Thursday even if we are healthy?  One interpretation of "there's no way we'll let you go past 40 weeks" is that Monday (40 weeks and 1 day) is too long to wait.  I'm hoping that it means, "we won't let you go to week 41."  Some doctors wouldn't let you go to week 41 even if you didn't have high blood pressure and a growth restricted baby.  I'm really hoping that Neil comes naturally before Thursday if for no other reason than that the ultrasound lady will be away and so they plan to hook us up to a fetal monitor instead.  He's not going to like the fetal monitor encroaching on his tummy space again and will probably fight it.  It is encouraging, though, to think that his fighting the monitor could keep his heart rate up enough to avoid a c-section and allow a normal vaginal delivery.

I wasn't allowed to eat during the testing and was starving by the time we left the hospital, so we treated ourselves to dinner at an Italian restaurant, including dessert.  Neil likes tiramisu.  We got home sometime after 8:00 and discovered that our house was over 80 degrees and our air conditioning isn't working.  We've got the doors open and fans on and it's finally getting comfortable.  I'm going to call maintenance tomorrow and see if they can get it fixed and maybe look at the dish washer, too.  I'm glad to have a little extra time to continue getting the house in order.  And I'm going to rest as much as possible.  It's been a long, tiring day.

E-Mail Recipients: All's Well

In case I can't get the whole post done in time, I wanted to let my email subscribers know that we're well and home and still waiting for Neil to arrive.  The story of our appointment is long and eventful.  If you don't get it in this email, you can read it on my blog right away or wait until tomorrow's email.

Happy Easter from the Insomniacs!

Apparently, since Mary Magdalene and friends were up early on Easter Sunday and Jesus was up even earlier to get out of the tomb before they showed up, Neil and I needed to get up early, too.  I got tired of sleeping at about 5:00 this morning, and while I was staring at the ceiling Neil let me know he was up and active, too.  So we got up and have been working on some up-coming blog posts about our house and about Google applications while we eat our raisin bran.

Neil has been very active recently.  I actually had to ask him to settle down for bed the other night.  I haven't had to do that for months.  Of course, I only had to ask once this time and he calmed down right away.  After my last post, I decided to try playing "pat-pat" with him again to see if he was really participating or if it was a fluke.  I don't think it was a fluke.  I would pat my belly three times, saying "pat, pat, pat" and wait for a few seconds until he patted me back, normally two pats in return.  "Patting" is a bit unusual for him.  Most of the time when he moves he rolls or wiggles rather than kicking and punching.  And I pat him all the time without his patting back.  But when I started saying "pat" when I patted my belly, we traded pats for over half an hour.  I paused for a little while to make sure that I wasn't mistaking hiccups for intentional movements, especially since he was patting the same spot over and over, and he didn't have hiccups.  After a while, I started getting tired of the game and stopped patting.  But he kept patting and waiting, patting and waiting until I started playing again and played until bedtime.  I tried it again last night and he wasn't interested.  Ooh!  I just tried it again, and he started playing for a little while.  If Neil will play with me again, I'll get Matt involved.  I told Matt it's hard to believe there's something wrong with a baby who can play games before birth.  I've read that babies can learn and remember things before birth, so I've been trying to figure out how to test his memory of "pat-pat" after he's born.  He's kind of my little guinea pig for testing child development concepts.  I can't wait to test some of the weird infant instinctual movements!

Of course, I think my child is remarkable, but I sometimes forget just how special he is.  I've been reminded of how unusual it is for unborn babies to have favorite foods when I've talked to new people recently.  And health professionals are always impressed when I tell them he doesn't keep me up at night because I ask him to settle down at bedtime.  Perhaps it's all coincidence--love of peanuts, cooperation when asked, playing pat-pat--but this much coincidence looks an awful lot like unique personality.

Good News Only Goes So Far

Neil is 5 lbs, 15 oz.!  He did so good on his BPP, too.  I am very proud of him.  Unfortunately, half a pound a week isn't enough to keep him above the 10th percentile.  So now even Dr. Reynolds is talking about inducing.  He said we'll reevaluate on Monday after Neil's BPP and checking my cervix.  I asked how certain he is that induction is going to happen, and he said there's no way I'm going past 40 weeks.  So to avoid induction, I'm probably going to have to go into labor in the next week.  My mucous plug started coming out today, so I'm making progress.  I've searched the Internet for acupuncturists and found some in Elizabethtown.  I'll try calling them to find prices and other information to see if it's an option just in case.

Dr. Reynolds warned us that growth-restricted babies are less able to handle vaginal birth, so Neil's heart rate may drop, resulting in a necessary C-section.  Induction that ends in C-Section is not what I want.  I know I can't necessarily get what I want, but I'm still hoping.  I'm going to start talking to Neil about hanging in there during labor.  I think he's strong and healthy and can handle it, and I'm going to tell him so multiple times a day.

We learned a bit more about growth restriction today.  The difference in the sizes of Neil's head and abdomen suggests that he really is growth restricted, not just small, and that it's asymmetric growth restriction.  (The alternative is that he has a REALLY big head.)  Asymmetric growth restriction means his body is funneling the insufficient nutrients he's getting to his head and major organs, resulting in a normal-sized head and a small body and femur.  It sounds really scary, but my research doesn't show any real immediate or long-term problems to full-term growth restricted babies.  Growth restricted babies have higher incidences of breathing problems, but they also have a much higher incidence of premature induction and C-sections.  I think the correlation is between prematurity and respiratory problems, not between growth restriction and breathing issues.  Some studies indicate that growth restricted babies develop issues in adulthood, including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, and high cholesterol.  I told Matt those conditions don't sound unusual for someone in my family who was born full size.

So the good news is that Neil is doing good.  He's growing and practicing his breathing.  He's been really active for the last few days.  Last night I think he was learning to hula.  Tonight we've been taking turns patting each other: he pats me, I pat back, and he pats me again.  He's a lot of fun.  And I'm doing fine.  I haven't been sleeping as soundly recently, but I'm feeling good.

The bad news is that talk of induction has started again.  Fortunately, Neil is full term, and I could theoretically go into labor on my own at any time.  So maybe bad news only goes so far. :)