Neil passed his BPP without M&Ms today! He's been really active for the last few days, so I've been telling him to save a bit of that energy for his test. I ate a peanut butter sandwich in the waiting room, and he was still abuzz half an hour later when we went in for the ultrasound. He was breathing and moving during the entire ultrasound. My fluid was great and my blood pressure was a bit better: 139/81 was my best of the day.
We also had a good talk with Dr. Ackermann. He was pleased that my blood pressure was better and that Neil has been consistently passing his BPPs. He said that if Neil hasn't gained any weight when they measure on Thursday that they might induce that day. I agree that IF Neil hasn't gained any weight that something is wrong and induction is a good idea. But we have no reason to think that Neil has stopped growing. He grew half a pound in one week the last time they tested. The consistently passed BPPs support the idea that Neil is just small and has no problems. But just in case, I'm supposed to go in for another glucose test tomorrow morning. I passed the 1-hour test about a month ago, but 5% of people with diabetes can pass that test. So I'm taking the 2-hour test, which requires me to fast tonight, have blood drawn first thing tomorrow morning, eat breakfast at the doctor's office, wait around for 2 hours, and have more blood drawn. If I have gestational diabetes, then it could cause Neil to pee more often, which would be the reason for my good fluid levels. It would mean that in addition to twice-a-week ultrasounds, we'd also have to go to the hospital twice a week to be hooked up to a fetal heart monitor for him to pass his BPPs. And if he doesn't pass his BPPs, they'll want to induce.
When I first heard induction mentioned a few weeks ago and learned they were going to test us twice a week, I felt like they were looking for a reason to induce. It turns out I wasn't paranoid to think so. Dr. Ackermann outright said that they're looking for a reason to induce. Fortunately, we've disappointed him so far. And from what he said, every week the doctors' comfort level with induction increases because the baby is more and more likely to be OK outside the womb. Matt and I have slightly different interpretations of what Dr. Ackermann said. Matt (the optimist) thinks that as long as we don't give them a reason to induce, we're OK. I (the pessimist) find it unlikely that they'll let Neil go to 40 weeks. If they become more and more comfortable with inducing, they'll need fewer or smaller reasons to induce every week. So my blood pressure, which isn't a good enough reason to induce at 36 weeks because Neil might need a respirator if he was born now, might be sufficient reason to induce at 38 weeks when he probably wouldn't need a respirator. But since Matt's interpretation is more hopeful and gives me something to work toward, I'm choosing to believe his interpretation. We'll continue to pray, and I'll continue to talk to Neil about getting big and practicing his breathing, and I'll keep trying to drink a lot of water and work on my blood pressure.
My blood pressure was so improved that Dr. Ackermann asked me what I was on to help my blood pressure. I was certainly feeling less stressed today. At last Monday's appointment, I became very aware of how stressful I find the OB's office, and last Wednesday night I had a couple of nightmares that helped me figure out what is stressing me out. I find that thinking about dreams that I remember and that I have strong feelings about often help me work through problems I'm having. In both dreams, my baby died, but that's not was was upsetting me (a clue that my subconscious was working something out since a dead baby would be devastating). Instead, I was frustrated that in the dreams no one was explaining things to me, that information about myself and my baby was being withheld from me. And that's what's been stressing me out about the OB's office. They keep surprising me with things and not completely telling me what's going on. I never know what's going to be sprung on me when I show up for an appointment: surprise injections or pelvic exams or sudden need for extra appointments because of problems I wasn't previously told about. I resolved to talk to a doctor about my concerns before my appointment last Thursday, but I was so stressed about the confrontation that my blood pressure was high. And I didn't find a good opportunity to start the conversation I wanted to have. By today, I had worked through my concerns and wasn't keyed up about confronting a doctor, and my blood pressure was better. And without my discussing my concerns about communication, Dr. Ackermann took time to explain things to us today. I felt much better when we left even though I was more certain that induction is inevitable. Matt and I are determined to be informed and will make sure that the doctors answer our questions. I think that knowing that Matt is as determined as I am to understand what's going on makes me feel better. He's tough and tenacious and good at spotting logical fallacies and much less likely than I am to be concerned about being polite, which is a good thing in this case.
Among the many interesting things Dr. Ackermann told us today is that ultrasounds can be off by 20% on their measurements. So last time, when it told us that we have a 4-pound baby, we might actually have a 4.75-pound baby (or a 3.25 pound baby, but we're not going to think about that). 4.75 pounds is undersized, but not nearly as bad as 4 pounds. He also said that obstetrics is practiced according to statistics. With a 20% margin for error, an ultrasound is not likely to convince me that my baby should be hurried along, but quite honestly it would take exceptional evidence to make me favor induction, especially since my cervix shows no signs of opening anytime soon. As Dr. Ackermann said, if dynamite won't open my cervix, he'll do a C-section. So there may not be a problem, but he's willing to split me open if the statistics indicate the least reason to do so.
Due to my already admitted pessimism, this has been a pretty heavy post--plenty of doom, gloom, stress and nightmares to go with some initial positive news--so I thought I'd share a fun headline about paranoia that I saw in an issue of The Onion, a satirical newspaper which originated in Madison: "Paranoid Optimist Just Knows Someone is Out to Get Him a Present." :) If Neil inherits my paranoia and Matt's optimism, this just might become his motto. :)
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