Feelings

Emotional intelligence and self-awareness are important to me, and they are important for me to teach Lucy. Matt and I have been talking to her and naming her feelings most of her life. When she tries to do something and fails and gets mad, I tell her it's frustrating when you can't do things and encourage her to try again and eventually offer assistance if she doesn't succeed on her own. When she wants something but can't have it and feels sad, I tell her it's disappointing to not get what you want and suggest something else that might make her happy. Those are two of her biggest feelings. Most of her anger and sadness fall into those two categories. The goal of all this naming of feelings has always been for her to recognize her feelings and name them so that she can react appropriately. Frustration doesn't mean that you throw things, it means that you try again or ask for help. We hoped that she could eventually tell us how she feels so that we can help her.

I was expecting her naming of feelings to take a long time, but she started telling me that she was sad while we were traveling for Christmas. Drew and Katie go to bed earlier than Lucy, and losing her playmates made her very unhappy. One night she told me, "Drew oo-ee-oo-ee-oo. Me sad." She realized what she felt and told me about it. I told her that I understood that she felt sad because she couldn't play with Drew and offered her a hug and a story instead. Eventually, I'll start asking her how she could respond to her feelings and give her suggestions. And ultimately, she should be able to figure out how to appropriately react on her own. That's what mature adults should do. (Notice I say they SHOULD do it. The number of adults who lack self awareness and emotional intelligence frustrates and disappoints me.)

Lucy has told me that she is sad several times since then. Almost every time, she tells me what is making her sad, and by sad she typically means disappointed. If she was just telling me she was sad all the time, I'd pay attention to that, too. I don't know that two year olds experience depression, but with my mental health history, I'm prepared to keep an eye on her to look for symptoms. If she ever does seem depressed, we'll help her name it and respond to it, too, and get her help if she needs it. For now I'm just really impressed that she can recognize and name one thing that she feels. And it makes me feel good as a parent. There are all sorts of things I'm doing wrong, but this seems like one thing I'm doing right.